Life has been kind of challenging lately. We have been through so many trials in the last year that it gets really hard. It seems like once I get used to one big trial and adapt to the situation, something else hits. I try really hard to stay positive and look for the blessings that we do have, but it isn't always easy. (I am human after all). Plus, on top of all the obvious trials I haven't lost a pound since I had the babies, I break out all the time, and Clif and I have been having some troubles. (I hesitate to say this, because I know that while my blog is private, people do read it. However, this is more of my journal than for others and today is a day I need to just write freely. I of course won't go until details of what he did).
So while I have a good habit of reading my scriptures and praying every night, I have found it hard sometimes to want to do those things. Of course, I know that is the opposite of what I should be doing. Yet, sometimes it is just all too much for me. Clif and I read and pray each night with the kids and we never miss a pray at meals. We have FHE together and I really make an effort to have the spirit of love in my home. (My sweet kiddos have been fighting a lot lately). I know that when I do read my scriptures I am more loving, patient, and slow to anger. I am always correcting my actions to be more Christ like. I know I often fall short of this. I get upset over Addy putting a whole new roll of toilet paper in the toilet because money is so precious right now. Or when she spills her milk and it goes all over the floor, ceiling, me and her two sisters. However, she is much more precious than any mess or any amount of money. I need to show her the right way with kind words and not harsh tones. I really most often do this. This week has just been more challenging in that area. I have caught myself raising my voice more than I would like. I am trying though. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and I know He is there helping us through these hard times. I also know that I can't give up.
I hate being overweight, it is so hard for me, especially when Clif and his family are so thin. I never had this much trouble getting the baby weight off before so I am pretty sure that my body is holding on to the weight for the babies. It makes no sense that I can not exercise and eat whatever I want and stay the same weight...and then work out all the time and eat better and still stay the same weight. I finally just had to realize that even though I wasn't losing weight that I still need to continue to work out. It is good for me to have that time alone and it is good for my health. I have tried to stop breastfeeding the babies, but have had no success. I am not pushing the issue too hard though because I do want what is best for them. However, I feel it is important to slowly try and wean them now because I don't believe that on October 1st, they are going to know they are 1 and just automatically stop breastfeeding. Allyson could probably stop now. She sleeps through the night and eats enough baby food that she could be alright. She still wants me when she is tried and in the morning. I am more of a comfort than anything. Haleigh on the other hand still wakes up 1-2 times and doesn't east near as much baby food. The fact that she is eating any baby food is progress though. Way to go Haleigh.
Although I may sound sad/upset (I am on my period), I really am doing okay. I am often too busy to even be upset and I know that I have so many things to be thankful for. There are just sometimes that I get discouraged (like when I drive by the house we built) or sad, but I try really hard to stay positive.
